A sad day

Well the last couple days have been pretty hard. Micca's Grandmother "Granny" as everyone calls her has been pretty ill. To top it all off she fell and broke her hip and now everything seems to be coming to an end.

I know everyone thinks how horrible it is that I am over here when things like this happen but it's not I you should feel sorry for, it those people that I leave behind that I am such an integral part of thier life. I hurt because I know it hurts that I am not there for them in time of great sadness or for celebrations.

I live with people who all have the same problems and we can lean on each other. When I am gone there is no one to replace me.

My wife is such an incredible person she always feels like she isn't doing enough. I worry about her because I think she does to much. She works third shift and often only gets a few hours of sleep because there is always t-ball practice or a dinner or reunion or b-day party or whatever. She worries about me not coming home but I often worry about not having her to come home to. Did I mention she is a Police Officer to be more specific a Deputy. It's not like her back up is down the block or even in the same city.

Everyone calls the soldiers heroes, I don't hardly feel deserving of the title. It's my family that are the real Heroes, they are the ones that are left behind to take care of whatever it is that I have left. Whatever support I may have given is now gone and not easily replaced. My life here is easy by comparison.
Drake, Ashtyn, Dade and Micca are my Heroes. My Dad and Mom and Sister rate right up with them too. They are all sacrificing so much while I am gone.
Today is by far the low point in my deployment, I feel so bad for being gone, not there to share and to support my family when they need it. I think this has got to be the one of the worst feelings.

Ok enough about me, as bad as I may feel I always try to look on the bright side and think well at least I am here to feel something. Morbid? It may be but being here and seeing and knowing first hand about war makes you different. Different how I don’t really know. You become numb to some feelings or maybe you just learn how to suppress your thoughts and feeling so you can function. It is so easy to think about the what if. There is always two sides to the what if. It’s a combat zone you live in some fear but it is mostly suppressed. The two sides of the what if start when you hear of someone being killed by an unlikely event. The bad guys shoot rockets every once in awhile. Sometimes they hit people. I know I’m rambling here some what but I think I have a point. If you think about that being you, you will go crazy the way around that is to think about how it was just an unlucky event and how the chances of that are so incredibly small that it won’t happen to me. The thing is, is that it does happen. So where was I going with all of that I don’t know I think I am talking about coping and how just being here can be stressful without you ever knowing it.

Well enough of the introspective thoughts.

“Granny” she started this whole entry today. She is one of the strongest willed, opinionated people I have ever known. Micca told me early on that Granny ruled the roost. It didn’t take me long to realize that she was right. She made no bones about speaking her mind lucky for me I make a good first impression. I’m sure I underwent some scrutiny but I passed the “granny test” She is the focal point of the family make no doubt about that.

Well this post has taken me all over the map hope you could follow it.

Later for now

As always I’m Brent!!